Sapphire McIntosh: Squeaky Bum Time

A hilarious, personal dive into the beautiful game and the not-so-beautiful bits of life.

From muddy pitches growing up in Yorkshire to chasing impossible dreams as an artist in London, Sapphire debuts her story, the story of a female footballer who refused to quit, even when life kept throwing her red cards. Blending sharp stand-up, raw honesty and big-laugh energy, this show tackles resilience head-on: the victories, the losses, the injuries, the identity crises, the moments you want to scream, and the ones that make it all worth it.

Whether you’ve lived on the halfway line or never kicked a ball in your life, you’ll find something to cheer for.

It’s football, but it’s also life — messy, surprising, painful, joyful — and endlessly funny.

Come for the jokes. Stay for the heart.